The Gift of Choice

Jamie Lynn
Aug 16
6 min read

*Trigger Warning: Body Dysmorphia

Mirror Reflections

I’m naked.

Standing in front of my mirror.

Staring at all the little parts I don’t think “fit.”

Guilt washes over me as I gawk at my floppier bits and heavier areas.

Picking apart my facial features, I notice how, from some angles, I look monstrous.

I then believe I look monstrous, hideous.

I see myself as grossly overweight, ugly, and not worthy of feeling feminine.

This used to be a common occurrence in my life. I felt as though having fat on my body

somehow made me less feminine—which is insane, I know! But ask any of us who grew up in the 90s/00s and they’ll tell you: the body type deemed “feminine” back then was unattainable for most people. Small, skinny, big boobs (fake or real), small butt, either semi-muscular or what was called “heroin chic,” which honestly just looked like a dying person.

Companies like Victoria’s Secret (partially owned by Jeffrey Epstein, btw) filled women with doubt and fear—that without the perfect body, we wouldn’t be worthy of love or affection, and we’d be mocked if we didn’t fit. These were the images flooding screens while shock-jock radio asshats like Howard Stern filled the airwaves with trash, treating women like objects only acceptable if they fit that day’s beauty standards. Shows like The Man Show had women serving beer, dressed in boob-heavy costumes, bouncing on trampolines at the end.

29 years old, thinking I was "fat" in a size small, knowing better now.

All of these toxic, false, masculine pieces of media did the same thing to women who didn’t fit the mold—they were mocked and ridiculed for simply existing. Basically sending us women and female-presenting folks the message: you are here to be used and gawked at, and if you don’t fit the mold, you’re the target of hateful comments and disgusting insults.

This had a severe effect on how I viewed myself and my body. Looking back now, I see a beautiful girl and woman, blinded by societal brainwashing, who believed she was ugly. Someone lost in a sea of media telling her she’d never be good enough—too ugly, too fat, too much to be loved or appreciated.

But she was AMAZING. Strong-willed, tough, open-minded, and spoke up for what she believed in. She rebelled against ideas and systems that brought humanity down. She stood up for those around her when they needed help, and she stood up for herself when she was being pushed beyond her boundaries. She was a SURVIVOR.

Whose Approval Is It Anyway?

We’re faced with a deviousness that’s crept into our psyche through careful marketing and deception, and it echoes one thing: you must seek approval.

We’re fed the lie that to be valid, we must have exterior validation—or we are basically useless. It shows up in the way we look, the way we dress, who we surround ourselves with, the choices we make, who we allow into our most personal spaces. Watch any modern dating show and you’ll see contestants (especially men and male-presenting) glancing at peers for approval of the person they’ve chosen to pursue—and if that approval isn’t there, the prospect dies fast.

The media has us TRAINED to seek approval so we don’t have to make our own decisions. Look at ads aimed at you and ones that aren’t. Ask yourself: whose approval are they trying to get, and why? What does this company gain by getting a group to validate each other—and thus their product?

Shows, movies, music, social media influencers, sponsored content—all of it aims to create one thing: a sense that the MEDIA knows what it is to be human, and we should follow it. It lulls us into a false sense of security, assuring us we don’t need to think critically—we can just trust our favorite star, musician, show, movie, influencer, etc. We think politics has control, but it was the circus all along.

The vastness of what this has stolen from us cannot be understated. The media takes away our longing to truly know ourselves by removing the “burden of choice.” It tells us where to belong and who to be if we want acceptance—but being accepted by a false system is poison to the soul, plain and simple. Choice is a GIFT. If we don’t see it that way, it will continue to be taken from us.

We have this amazing opportunity to understand life, ourselves, and how it all fits together—to dig deep and know our truest wisdom. Plenty of folks profit off us not understanding ourselves or the world, so it’s the media’s job to keep us contained in our little boxes. To keep us in a constant stream of knowing useless things about celebrities, sports, and social media garbage. It might seem small or inconsequential, but all that space taken by knowing what someone else says you should know leaves little room to know who YOU are beyond that. And that’s the whole fucking point.

Once this deviousness convinces us of our worth based on what we look like, what we own, what we don’t own, where we live, HOW we live—we lose. I mean, come the fuck on, look at these goddamn Labubus! People are going NUTS for them, and why? Because the celebrity they like had one on their purse. THAT’S IT. That’s all it takes to convince us to empty our pockets for something that will inevitably end up in a landfill—and then as microplastics in our grandchildren’s bloodstreams. But who cares, as long as Popmart makes their buck and we stay hypnotized.

It’s not too late. We still have a choice. We can chase the newest trend that will be over next year for a tiny morsel of approval, OR we can keep our money in our wallet and ask: Why do I even want this? Do I even like it? If no one else liked it, would I still want it?

When we start asking ourselves what we want, why we want it, and why we do the things we do, we win.

Know Thyself

That’s the answer. That’s how we escape the media trap. We have to ASK ourselves the hard questions, the real questions.

What do I want—beyond a job, beyond money, beyond what everyone else says I should want? What do I TRULY want? And why? Why do I want that for myself? Maybe the answer is simple: I want to lay around and stare at clouds. Why? Because I want to feel relaxed and unbothered. Why do I want that? Because I NEED to relax and feel unbothered. That’s a deep need that longs to be met. When you meet it, how do you feel? Can you feel unbothered? If not, why? What thought or pattern keeps you bothered, even at rest? Keep digging. Uncover the pieces of you that demand to be witnessed and experienced.

The more we get to know ourselves, the more we will LOVE ourselves. The more we let external validation determine our worth, the less love we feel—until we start to feel hate. Asking these hard questions, digging further and further, is tough. But I promise you: it leads to self-love and appreciation you never thought possible.

When you know and love yourself, your capacity to love and understand others grows. And as that grows, people around you are inspired to love and appreciate themselves. That spreads to the people THEY know—and THAT’S how you start to change the world. I know, sounds dramatic, but it’s true. That’s how change happens. And it all starts with the choice to ask yourself why.

Journal Prompts

I highly recommend keeping a journal on the quest of self knowledge and self love. Here are a few prompts to get you started in the process:

If money was no issue at all—if I never had to worry about it again—how would I spend my time? What would I choose to do, create, or experience simply because I want it?
- Why would I choose do, create, or experience these things?
What stories do I tell myself when I look in the mirror?
- Are these stories really mine? Where did I get these ideas from?
When I make choices, big or small, whose voice or opinion echos in my mind?
- How do I feel when I imagine disappointing that person (or group)?
- Whose approval am I still seeking, and why does it matter to me?
I am not here for validation, I am here to...